until now, i still don't want it.
i don't want this to go on.
but i'm losing the chances that i can eliminate it.
i'm losing the hope that i can manage to get rid of it.
i'm sorry.
i don't hate it.
but i can't love it too.
i really don't know what am i suppose to feel for it.
i don't wanna feel it.
i'm not strong enough to face it.
if only everyone knows what i feel.
though i don't admit it to myself and to others.
i can't take it off of my mind.
everything that i see, i can see it too.
everything that i can think of is all about it.
i'm so stupid not to take care of it.
but i just can't accept it.
i don't want to accept it.
oh Lord, please. tell me this isn't real.
you know i'm weak.
you know i'll easily surrender.
you know even i have ading, i have his cousins, his family, my friends,
i still feel that i'm alone.
because no one can carry this thing but me.
only me.
and no one will ever understand that.
no one can help me.
no one will be able to help me.
i miss everything about me.
cos from that day on, i lost myself at once.
i lost everything about my happiness of being myself.
i feel like i'm in a total wreck.
i feel like, i don't wanna do anything anymore.
haha. what happened with, i will do my best this time?
what happened when i said to him that i'll be strong for him?
what happened when i said to him that i'll be a better me.
move to trash again?
yes, i'm emotional again. haha.
