do i have to cry?

until now, i still don't want it. 
i don't want this to go on.
but i'm losing the chances that i can eliminate it.
i'm losing the hope that i can manage to get rid of it.


i'm sorry.


i don't hate it.
but i can't love it too.
i really don't know what am i suppose to feel for it.
i don't wanna feel it.
i'm not strong enough to face it.


if only everyone knows what i feel.
though i don't admit it to myself and to others.
i can't take it off of my mind.
everything that i see, i can see it too.
everything that i can think of is all about it.
i'm so stupid not to take care of it.
but i just can't accept it.
i don't want to accept it.


oh Lord, please. tell me this isn't real.
you know i'm weak.
you know i'll easily surrender.
you know even i have ading, i have his cousins, his family, my friends,
i still feel that i'm alone.
because no one can carry this thing but me.
only me.
and no one will ever understand that.
no one can help me.
no one will be able to help me.


i miss everything about me.
cos from that day on, i lost myself at once.
i lost everything about my happiness of being myself.
i feel like i'm in a total wreck.
i feel like, i don't wanna do anything anymore.
haha. what happened with, i will do my best this time?
what happened when i said to him that i'll be strong for him?
what happened when i said to him that i'll be a better me.
move to trash again?
yes, i'm emotional again. haha.

Will be a lot more.

Countdown to 2011 has been one of the best. Every year is getting better. More pakulos from us. We’ve had more time with sing along, eating, bonding, party and pictures. Fireworks and other firecrackers are not numerous than the previous years but that doesn’t mean we haven’t enjoy the eve. Aside from we chose it to be simple, we want it to be safe.

For the sake of blogging something on the first days of January. Haha. I’ll be busy on my OJT soon and I bet I won’t have time for this. But I'm sure, there'll be a lot more! We’ll be doing our scrap book too :D He promised. He’ll help me. Hahaha. In fairness. First time. From my past boyfriends, he’s the only one who offered to help for some fetish things like this :P

Excited for this one :)

Last for 2010.

Another majors. I have attended 4 Major Celebrations.


Maron turned 18th. :) She's a cousin of my Jong :D Good thing, I bought a semi-formal blouse from Divisoria last time we went there. Haha. I used it and was surprised that I looked pretty. Haha. 'Wag na kumontra. I thought we're gonna go there by jeep since ate mayel together with his mum and dad went to the airport to fetch kuya lorenzo from australia. Lucky, tita julie forced kuya jason and ate irvie with baby :D to go with us! :)We're just on time although the party should have started by 6. Filipino time it is :))

December 18, 2010

Virtuoso's Star Studded Christmas Party was successful. Pictures flooded. Drinks all over. Bonding made the night! Though only a few of us made effort to wear star-like outfits, still it was a memorable one. Some did not attend the party. KJ! Hahah. But I think, everyone got their gifts except for Bang's Monito (Roy). Hahaha. She left her gift at the tricycle, unfortunately. Sobrang sayang. There are awards also for the Best Dress, Doggie Award, Face of the Night and Crowd's Favorite. Imba! That was really fun. And yeah, we're late again. 'Coz we're the stars :))) Todo ayos kami! Hee-hee. 

The Birthday Boy with the First Lady :)

Me (Miley) with Chris Brown <3

The Stars!

(L- R: Alodia, Katy Perry, Miley Cyrus, Johnny Depp, Kesha, Lindsay Lohan, Blair)

Felt like it's been years since I had this kind of bonding with them especially with Mak and Bang :D Sisterretes! Love you! Hahaha. We've had our own rounds of drinks. (Mak, Kiefer, Bang, Gladys and Bins)

Nanay's Birthday! :)

It was a surprise for her. We didn't tell her that we're coming and no one among her children greet her

on her birthday. Actually, she's making papansin pa nga to mama just to remember her birthday.

But my loka lokang nanay sounded like she doesn't care at all until we arrived in Lipa that day, December 23, 2010. I saw her smile that seems to be her happiest day. We've got some foods for her, and Tatay cooked his specialty for her. Nanay never ends thanking us for coming and thanking her children for having that simple salo-salo of ours. Overwhelming. <3

Noche Buena 2010. Simple yet Complete. Thanks Bro! You've given me a family that will last a lifetime.

Kuya Jason and Ate Irvie's Wedding Day. Extravagant I should say. The preparation, the wedding eve, the photographers, the church, the cars, the lights, the place of reception, the guests. Everyone was all prepared. The Wedding Pictorial was in Hyatt Hotel, The Wedding Ceremony was held at the UST Church and the Reception was in Lights of Love in Quezon City.

I can't say so much more but it was out-of-the-ordinary. 
And the feeling of attending

a wedding like that seems like a fantasy. Pati ako naiyak. Hahaha. I felt so overwhelmed to 

be with all of them. I felt like I really am one of them. Sometimes, I even forget that I have to be a 

little demure because his cousins are also 
like my sisters and brothers. 

I laugh so hard, as comfortable as I am. 
I hug them like I'm not new to them.

I feel like I've known them for so long. 
I love them as much as I love Jong. 
Honestly. I really do.

Now I have another reason why I can't leave him. His family, is now my second family :)

And Kuya JL won't be attending Jong's Wedding IF I am not the bride! Hahaha. How I wish Ate Jen is also there :(

Last Week before Christmas Break.

4 Major Things Happened for the Week:

 Club Week

 OJT Application

 Class '66 4A Christmas Party

 Mama's Birthday Celebration

Club Week happens every academic year, and my first time to enjoy the day for us, IT students. Only for the IT got talent program. :)) 10 contestants have joined the event but I just happened to watched 6 of them. Jong and I didn't finish the event. I don't know, I'm sooo toxic that day and I can't hold it anymore. Same with him, I'm sure.




I don't have pictures with our ojt application experience but in a short words, it was so frustrating! HAHA. We've waited so long to inquire about it, just to hear that they doesn't have slots for us. Grr!

Instant Php1,100!! Every Christmas, it's a tradition to attend this Christmas Party with our scholarship sponsors. Food was awesome! I just can't breathe anymore after eating too much :)) I had this kwentuhan session also with our new scholarship coordinator, Ms. Gel. Had fun and had a very happy tummy! HAHA.

Started the day with a special breakfast prepared by Dad. Special not because they're plenty but rather simple yet well-prepared :) 

We've had our lunch at Dampa's in Paranaque. Fresh seafoods from the market! Another happy tummy! :))

The highlight of mum's day is the Manila Ocean Park Adventure! :) 

Appreciate the ocean bodies and watched water fountain show at night.

ANTS.

About the <3 again. :P


I love reading convos of teenage couples. It keeps me smiling lalo na pag friends ko, o basta kilala ko lang.
I wonder how different each other can be. I'm pretty sure naman kasi na we're not in the same situation with the others kahit sabihin na we're both couples. And sometimes, I have this craziest thought while looking at pictures and stuffs that "What if this guy is my boyfriend?". Don't get me wrong, hon. I'm not wishing to have someone else. Just thinking "what if..." Then I'll tell myself, maybe I'm not this happy. Yeah, my girl friend may be happy to his boyfriend. But that doesn't mean that if I'm her boyfriend's girl, I will be as happy as her because it won't be the same anymore. Ganun talaga, there's always that someone na tanging makakapag pasaya ng buhay mo. Yung tanging tao na magbibigay ng lahat ng kailangan mo, not material things but emotional and even spiritual needs. And even I look at so many pictures of them, so many "i love you" from each of them, I can't get envy. I don't get jealous. I'm thinking of one thing.. "Ang cute nila. Ang sweet.. Pero mas sweet pa rin saken ang asawa ko." And maybe, you're just on the same thought. You're looking my pictures or even convos with JD, but at the end, you'll say to yourself that you too have a story of love that you believe is meant for you forever.

He's my strength. He's the cause of this happiness. He's the root of my life. He's the forever in my lifetime. He's the treasure that I've been searching. He's the hope for all my hopeless drama. He's my only believer and defender. He's my passion. And he's the main dish for my every meal. He keeps me full :D

I'm Broke.

I LOST MY WALLET! DAMN. 11-25-2010

PROMISES.

I know it's not the time to upbraid the promises that has been made 2 years ago. Not this time, because there's nothing I can do anymore. He made up his mind without letting us know before he decide. We don't even have the chance to hold him back 'coz by the time he texted us, he already did. 


I wish we can change his mind. I wish we can convince him that everything will be fine. But I know him, when he said it's final, then it's final. I'm not in the right place to analyze what have happened because I don't know how it really feel, I don't know the full story. But it's just, on my side, he seems so weak. It looks like he admitted that he lost the fight. I don't know. I just care about him. I'm sure everyone will talk about him and I don't want it to happen. Not when we can't defend him. I don't care about what they think. They don't know him anyway. I just don't want him to ended like he's a coward, a weakling 'coz he's not. 
After all of this, I don't know what will happen. But I'm sure, we'll be seeing each other even it's not often as before. I hope we'll make time. I will make time. :)

telia 11-25-2010