Last 21st Celebration for just the two of us :)

It's a positive one, though :)

Hopefully, this is really the last because it will only mean that iya's overdue if not. Haha.

This is the first time we cooked something together for our monthsary :) Di kasi kami mahilig magluto at di talaga kami marunong. We usually have a date, watch movie, time zone, eat our favorites, basta just mall galore. Unlike the past few months, we're celebrating every monthsary together sa bahay lang. We did watch movies in cinemas but not as often as before. We usually watch downloaded movies na lang sa laptop which is for me, more fun and enjoy kasi we can do whatever we want while watching.

Pero yun nga, for this 26th monthsary, we cooked Carbonara. Haha. Thanks to Del Monte for the ready-made Carbonara sauce. Haha! He enjoyed it, I know. Kasi kahit di ganun ka-professional at di kami ganun kagaling, nakapag bonding kami ng iba sa mga usual bonding moments namin. And it was perfect for us nung kinakain na namin kasi may love ingredients na. Haha. Ang corny pero totoo. Tipong napapa-smile kami pag sumusubo :))) And I told him, we can do it every month. This can be our monthsry bonding, for a change and for us to learn kahit paapano. And then I realized, iya's gonna be with us na by next month so he said "naku, di na pwede yun." And then I told him, "Why not?! Patulugin natin si iya. O kaya, bitbit ko sya. Ayaw mo nun, junior masterchef agad sya?" At nagtawanan na kami when we imagined iya while we're pretending to be masterchef's judges. Hahah.

Ayun lang aang kwento ko. Bitin kasi I just want to take this memory down. The following months kasi will be far far different from this day, from all the days that have gone. I expect the rest of the days of my life to be more challenging, scary (konti), exciting and happier! HARDEST I gues, yet HAPPIEST. To think I can't have work immediately after kong manganak, I'm going gaga thinking how will I swallow my pride and ask for Jong's parents support para lang sa gatas ng anak ako. Yun pa lang, mahirap na. I'm always praying to Him to give me strength talaga for the coming days. WEW.

I'm sooo excited though :D hahaha!

Friendless.

Lagi ko naiisip, hindi talaga siguro ako swerte pagdating sa mga kaibigan. Ang gusto ko kasi noon, madami akong kaibigan. Madaming kadaldalan. Madaming kasama pag galaan na. Yung magulo at maiingay at masasaya.

Pero nagbago din naman yun. Bigla na lang naisip ko, di rin pala maganda pag madami, magulo at maiingay. Parang hindi naman talaga kayo nagkakaintindihan lahat kesa sa konti lang kayo tapos mas kilala niyo yung bawat isa. Ang gusto ko na lang, yung ilang mga piling kaibigan lang. Yung mga totoo. Nung college kasi ako, naranasan ko na hindi lahat eh pwede mong ituring na totoong kaibigan. Acquaintances lang kumbaga. Haha. Para bata ang mga realization ko diba. Pero natataon lang talaga kasi na dun ako napupunta sa grupong, kaunti lang. Tapos marerealize ko, mas okay pala noh? Hindi yung puro saya lang, mga katropa lang. Lalo sa college. Kahit sino naman pwede mo maging katropa. Dahil sa inuman. Dahil sa common friends. Puro ganun. Pero pag may problema ka, biglang maiisip mo, kanino ka magsasabi? Sino kaya yung seseryoso sa'yo? Mahirap. Kasi kainuman mo lang sila. Naging kabatian mo lang tapos tropa na kayo.

Tapos ngayon, eto na naman ako. Pakiramdama ko na naman, na wala akong kaibigan. Pakiramdam ko nandyan sila pero ang lalayo nila. Pakiramdam ko, naaalala nila ko pero hindi nila ako namimiss. Pakiramdam ko, hindi naman ako ganun ka-ispesyal para bigyan nila ng oras.

Ganun na lang lagi ang pakiramdam ko mula pa dati. Ewan ko ba kung dahil iba kasi ako magbigay ng atensyon sa kaibigan? O dahil talagang  wala namang ispesyal saken para maging kaibigan nila. Waha. Dramaaa.

Mula kay Rya, na ast option naman ako palagi, kina Dianne at Abi na lagi din namang busy sa iba't ibang bagay pero madalas ay sa jowa, kina Kim at Winona na sadyang malalayo lang talaga at internet lang ang pwedeng makapagkonekta samin, kay Bins at Paul na puno din lagi ang sked sa iba't ibang grupo nila ng kaibigan, sa college friends kong sina Joy, Alec, Revin at Allan na sa text ko lang madalas makasama dahil may sari-sarili naman silang lakad at kung magaaya ay laging wrong timing, o kaya naman hindi naman talaga nag-aaya (siguro naiisip nilang hindi nga ako lagi pwede).

Sila lang. Sila lang naman ang mga tinuturing ko talagang mga totoong kaibigan eh.

May mga oras lang sa panahong 'to, na nalulungkot ako kasi nga parang ang lalayo nilang lahat. Alam kong literal na malayo ako dahil nasa Binangonan ako. Pero nakakadisappoint na ganito na nga ang kalagayan ko, hirap magbyahe, bored na bored sa bahay, walang pera, walang magawa, tapos ganito pa yung mararamdaman ko mula sa kanila na parang no one can shorten the bridge between us. Yun bang kahit gano kalayo eh bibisitahin man lang ako? Sa buong panahon ng pagbubuntis ko na napunta ako dito, wala man lang nakagawang puntahan ako (si Bins nag-offer :) ). Kahit kamustahin o tingnan man lang ang lagay ko o namin ni Iya.

Eh okay lng naman kasi kung walang nagsabi na pupuntahan nila ako dito. Mag oover night dapat. Yung iba, gugulatin na lang daw ako. Pero, sa mga sinabi nila, walang natuloy.

Eto, manganganak na pala ako mahigit isang buwan mula ngayon. At ayun. Wala na akong inaasahan mula sa mga kaibigan kong nangako noong una pa lang akong nagbubuntis.

Hindi naman ako yung kaibigan matagal mawala ang tampo eh. Pero matampuhin talaga ako minsan. Haha. Pero madalas, para bang naiisip kong, wala naman akong karapatang magtampo kasi sino ba naman ako? Di naman kasi ako yung sentro ng grupo. Di naman ako yung oag nawala eh hindi na kumpleto.

Haha. Ang sensitive ko lang siguro ngayon. Kahit naman nga ang pamilya ko, yung mga tita ko? Nagsabing dadalwin din daw nila ako pag may oras sila. Hay. Pero wala din naman natuloy eh. Yung pamilya ko nga di nagawang puntahan ako, kaibigan ko pa kaya?

Pero lahat naman yun naiintindihan ko ko. May mga rason naman sila na katanggap tanggap siguro. At wala ako "say" magdemand diba? Nakakalungkot lang. Hindi ko man lang naramdaman mula sa mga totoo kong kaibigan na kahit papano, ispesyal din naman ako sa kanila para bigyan nila ako ng oras na puntahan ako kung nasaan man ako.

Kaya din siguro ganito na lang ako makademand sa atensyon ni Jong. Siya pa tuloy ang nagdudusa sakin. Haha. Siya na lang lagi ang sumasalo sakin. Haha. Siyempre no choice naman din siya.. At siya lang naman talaga ang meron ako. Siya at si Iya.

Di bale pupunuuin naming dalawa ng atensyon si Iya. Na kung madami man siyang magiging kaibigan o wala, hindi niya mararamdaman na hindi siya ispesyal..

Salamat na nga lang at may blogspot eh. Salamat din at may taga basa ako :) Kayo lang, boid at labins. :) Kailangan ko lang minsan mailabas. At kayo lang naman ang handang makinig. :) Mahal na mahal ko kayow :D

25th and 7th

It's our 2 years and 1 month. And it's Iya's 7th month (not accurate though).

Well. Just another ordinary day.

What is an ordinary day?

A day full of love :) A day of bonding. A day of normal sweet things, I love you's, hugs, kisses and funny moments. A whole day with him. Just him. Having the attention that I want. Having him by my side. That's now ordinary yet always a special one.

You see, as we grow older, as we spend time with each other longer than  before, we happen to get used to it but not in the way na nagkakasawaan na kami. We're getting used to waking up next to one another and prepare breakfast together or sometimes whoever get up first. We're getting used to having good mornings and thankful ALWAYS knowing we're still alive. It's funny when I thought of the times when Jong's mom won't allow us to sleep together but as I often stay here, it became normal I guess for them. And it's just that Jong will really do something to sleep beside me (when everyone was already asleep. haha!). We're also used to the habits of each other. Him, playing and me, text,play with Javien, tambay lang sa tabi niya, internet, reading, anything that will not bore me. I easily get bored in online games so I always ends up making papansin to him and putting up dramas. Haha!

Yes we're like really husband and wife. I just can't believe it yet, until now. Haha. But the good thing is, we just can't get enough of each other pa din. Pag nasa baba ako, andun din siya, pag sa taas andun din siya. It feels like we're still missing each other kahit na magkasama naman na kami sa isang bahay. We're also like always excited to see each other whenever he just arrived from school or OJT. His face was like a child received candies from his mom when he sees  me, and when I didn't smile back at him, he'll say "hayy.. di naman siya masayang makita ko :(" And his face turns into grimace. Haha. That's the time when I know I need to make lambing :)

I asked him once, something like... "Do you think, we're still like this when we grow old?" I mean, I'm sure we're gonna be lolo and lola in the future and I know we're still together but are we the same aneng and ading that we are right now? Like, the sweetness, the child-like expressions and the excitement?

I'm not sure but I know we'll be loving each other more and more each day. I've known him for more than 4 years now and I still don't know if there's more of his attitude that I'm gonna discover but whatever it is hidden inside him, positive or negative, I'll adore him more than he can ever imagine. I will be more in love with him. That's for sure :)

A concerned wife

Ako yon, Oo. Concern lang ako :) Meron akong maliliit na hinaing sa kanila kahit na alam kong wala akong karapatan para magkaron ng sama ng loob o ano man. Lagi kong iniisip, bunso kasi si Jong, o kaya, wala pa kasi kami nai-aambag dito sa bahay, o kaya, palamunin pa lang kasi kami sa ngayon. Kahit masama pakinggan, oo, palamunin lang naman talaga kami dito kaya parang laging wala kami karapatan sa lahat. Nakakalungkot paminsan kasi, anak naman nila si Jong eh. At oo, suportado naman talaga kami sa lahat ng gastos pero para saken, bilang asawa niya, nasasaktan lang din ako at ako yung sumasama ang loob.

Alam ko, yang si John Donn, wala naman sa kanya yung mga ganung bagay eh. Kasi sanay na siya. Kahit noon pa naman, ganun na talaga sila sa kanya. Bunso kasi, bunso kasi. Ganun na lang lagi.

Madami ako alam na ganung storya. Kahit nga yung kapatid ko eh. Binubully ko din lagi. Utos dito, utos dyan. Tapos pagalit pa ko. Hahah. Pero yung kapatid ko, walang angal. Susunod pa din siya. Maiinis siya alam ko, pero susunod pa din siya saken. Ganun siguro lahat ng bunso? Ang babaet sa mga nakakatandang kapatid. Haha!

Pero ngayon, parang mas lalong nawalan ng karapatan si Jong sa lahat. Parang lalong lumiit yung natitira niyang karapatan dito. At dahil saken yun :( Dahil sa halip na siya lang, tatlo pa kaming magiging pabigat dito.

Alam ko burara yang si Jong sa gamit niya. Minsan nga pagod na ko sermonan yan eh. Lagi ko na lang papaalalahanan na ilagay yung mga hinubad niyang damit sa labahan, ibalik sa dati yung mga kinukuhang gamit, wag kalimutan kung san pinapatong o nilalagay yung mga gamit niya o gamit ko o gamit ng mga tao dito. Kasi sa kanya lagi hinahanap. Di kasi marunong magbalik ng gamit.

Naiinis din ako paminsan. Kaya lagi ko yun sinasabihan. Pero alam ko, matututunan din naman niya yon. Di ko naman pagsasawaan yon, kahit araw araw ko siya pagsabihan. Iba ibang strategy lang. Hahah!

Tsaka, kahit madami siyang ganung flaws, alam kong napakabuting tao ng asawa ko. Feeling ko nga, siya pa ang pinakaresponsableng tao, asawa/bf sa kanilang magkakapatid eh. Haha. Siyempre, asawa ko eh noh? Pero sa mga nakita ko, experience ko, ang kulang lang naman kay Jong sa ngayon eh trabaho eh. Nagiging responsable lang sila kasi may kita na sila, nakakapagbigay sila ng pera, eh si Jong hindi pa. Kaya para bang kung makautos na lang ang mga kapatid niya, para bang may kasamang, wala ka na nga silbi dito, di mo pa magawa yung mga inuutos sa'yo.

Lalo na si Kuya AJ. Kapag may maling nagawa si Jong, o kaya may hiniram si Jong sa kanya, o kaya may gamit siyang nawawala, para bang wala na nagawang tama si John Donn. Ewan ko. Napakademanding niya :( Laging pagalit pag kinausap si Jong.

"Jong, bat ba lagi mo kinukuha tong mouse ko?!"

"Jong, nasan na yung earphones ko?!"

"Jong, maghugas ka nga dun ng pinggan! Sinong inaasahan mo maghugas ng pinggan?!" (Kahit naman, huhugasan din yun. Kaya lang wala pang tubig.)

"Jong, maglinis ka nga sa 2nd floor."

Lagi na lang niya pinaglilinis si Jong. Yung tipong, parang hindi kami naglilinis? Eh naglilinis naman talaga kami pag may oras. Pero pag nagdemand siya, para bang araw araw eh naglilinis siya at pagod na pagod eh pasok trabaho, tulog at kain lang naman din ang ginagawa niya. Isang beses ko lang siya nakita naglinis. Sa kwarto lang niya.
Tapos ang dami niya sinasabi. Ang dami niya comment. Eh bakit hindi siya ang gumawa?
Tapos kapag may kailangan siya kay John Donn, lalo sa laro nila sa Rohan, demading pa din... :|

"Jong! Pahiram nung armor mo! Tsss. Di mo naman ginagamit eh!"

Alam ko simpleng bagay lang yun pero diba ikaw na nga yung may kailangan. Tapos pag ayaw ni Jong, galit pa siya. Eto namang si John Donn, napakamalumanay.. Ang sasabihin lang..

"Ehh. Hirap maglipat eh. Wag na.."

Di man lang magsabi ng... "Akin yun eh. Gawa ka sarili mo."

Pag siya kinakausap ng kuya niya, parang walang respeto.

Alam ko normal na yun sa kanya. Pero, ganunin yung asawa ko sa harap ko? Nasasaktan naman ako. Ayoko ng ginaganun siya kahit na alam kong kuya niya yun. 

Pati si kuya jason. Pag nag utos yan kay Jong, gusto niya sunod agad. Pagsalin ng tubig, pagbaba ng mga gamit sa sasakyan. Hala? Boy na boy ah.

Yun na yun. Basta. Nasasaktan lang ako na palamuning palamunin ang dating namin ni Jong kasi sunod lang kami sa lahat. Ako, di naman ako inuutusan pero siyempre, wala pa din akong boses. Wala ako karapatan. Kaya pag nasasaktan ako para sa kanya, sinesave ko na lang siya. Sinasabihan ko na lang siya na, "Beb,sundin mo na.." "Beb, wag mo na kasi gamitin yun." Para wala na marinig.

Tapos kagabi din.. Kahit mama at dadi niya ganun din naman sa kanya eh. Kasi nga ganun na yung pagkakakilala nila kay Jong. Pag may nawala, yung gunting, yung susi, yung towel, yung pera... Lahat sa kanya itatanong, sa kanya hahanapin, at sure silang si Jong ang kumuha. Kahit na minsan, wala naman talaga sa kanya.. Sana maalis ko pa sa kanila yung ganun image ni Jong :( Sana maturuan ko na siya na maging responsable sa mga maliliit na bagay para hindi na siya lagi pag initan...

Minsan kasi, kapag hindi na talaga siya ang may kasalanan, siya pa din.. Ayoko ng ganun, kasi nasasaktan ako para sa kanya. Eh siya naman, wala lang sa kanya. Ang kulit eh. Hinahayaan niya lang lagi. Hindi siya nangangatwiran. Hindi niya pinagtatanggol sarili niya. Hindi niya ineexplain yung side niya.

Naiisip ko, sana makaipon na ko madaming pera. Bibili na kami ng bahay. Bubukod na kami. Doon, wala na magdedemand sa kanya. Ako na lang! Haha. Atleast, obligasyon niya yung saken. Pareho kami, magdedemand sa isa't isa.. Ang idedemand ko lang naman, lambing niya :">

Di naman ako galit sa kanila eh. Mahal ko pa din naman sila... Pero siyempre, pag mga oras na ginaganun nila si Jong, nasasaktan lang yung ego ko bilang asawa niya. Na, sana wag naman nila ganunin sa harap ko si Jong :(

Sudden Thoughts

ANG SWERTE NILA HINDI AKO ANG ANAK NILA..

ANG SWERTE KO, SILA ANG PAMILYA KO..

ANG SWERTE KO TINANGGAP PA DIN AKO.

ANG MALAS NILA, WALA NA KO MABIBIGAY PA.

ANG MALAS NILA, BINIGO KO SILA.

LOVE.

        

 Why do I love him so much? Why do I always need him? Why can't I live a day without him? There's just nothing I can't do for him, just like how he would never do things not for my sake.

He'll do whatever I say. It's proven. He'll make me happy every single day. His sweetness is incomparable. He treats me like a princess before, and when Iya came, he then started treating me like his master. I'm guilty for acting like a brat sometimes. I just can't help myself being the boss when I know he doesn't have the courage to say no. But that's just maybe because I feel weak at these times. I feel restless and invalid. I can't move on my own. I can't do what I'm doing before and I can't always be as maharot as I am before.

Yes I'm the lucky girl. But I promised to myself, I will never make him think that I'm a mistake. He won't regret having me and Iya. He will never think that someone's better than me.

Right now, maybe I'm not so capable of doing things for him and it's because I can't do everything for myself either without a lot help from him. But I'm just waiting to have a chance and when I already have it, I will give everything he needs. Next time, I'll be the one to make sacrifices. I'm gonna have a job, and it's payback time! This time, hindi na niya titipirin ang sarili niya. I'm sure kahit hindi malaki ang sweldo ko, kaya ko sila suportahan ni Iya. He said so.. "May katrabaho nga ako dun, 4k lang sweldo niya every payday tapos 4 ang anak niya at nagaaral na lahat." That's so inspiring. Haha! That's what I love about him. I've learned a lot from Jong. If before I always crave for a job that will compensate me for more than 25k a month, now, it won't matter anymore as long as I have a job. He taught me how to appreciate small things. He taught me how to handle hard things easier. He taught me not to ask for too much. Mabubuhay naman kami kahit sapat lang. Kahit hindi sobra sobra ang mga resources namin. Hindi naman namin laging kailangan ng sobra.

Hay.. Maybe I grew up dreaming to be one of the richest people. Haha. Yeah, that's why. I'm always dreaming... But Jong never asked for it.. Jong will never ask for it. He's the simplest person I've known. He doesn't need anything but me. As long as we're living, that's enough for him. Naww.. I'm so confident about that kasi I know that the truth.

Eh pano kung, kaya hindi umaasenso ang marami ay dahil hindi nga sila naghahangad ng mataas?
I've thought about that pero who cares? Sabi nga, pag namatay ka, hindi naman tatanungin ng Diyos kung gaano karaming pera meron ka nung nabubuhay ka pa. Itatanong niya, kung anong mga magagandang nagawa mo nung nabubuhay ka pa.

I really thank God for giving me the people that I need, not the people that I want. Right now, I can only serve Jong with little things like waking up for him and cook breakfast and baon. Prepare lunch and dinner whenever his mother isn't around :D I don't know how to cook though but I'm trying. ^^,
Support him in his intern and studies. Prepare his everyday needs. Help him with his school works. And bond with him as long as he wants (sexy time included) Haha.

Those things will never be an obligation for me to do for him, but an expression of how much I love and adore my husband :P I will never get tired of serving him. I will never stop making him feel that he's worth it all.

I'll be the best, I know I am :) Happy Monthsary, Yagballs (For this coming 21st) :D I LOVE YOU! <3

GIFTS PLEEEASE!

Hello Ninongs, Ninangs, Titos and Titas!

It's confirmed :) I'm a girl. My mom just had her ultrasound today. Finally, she can buy my things naaa.
I'm excited to come out, as excited as my mom :)

<3 Eclair

I'm the happiest!! I want my baby, NOW! Hahahah. I've prepared these pictures for Eclair's godparents and titos and titas. They might have ideas on what we need and what we want. No toys, please! Her dad and mom can provide toys for her. Eductional and more aliw pa. And she can't enjoy pa naman those toys, not until she's maybe 7 months old?

These items can be searched through the internet, and can be bought in any infant's shop.

CAR SEAT. This may cost 1,500 - 2,000.  I know we don't have a car but if ever Jong's gonna learn how to drive, we can always borrow his dad's car. For the sake of Eclair :)

       

             
      Diaper Cloth costs 350 per piece in Babyland Shop. I don't know where else can we buy it but if it's possible, I would rather use this kind of diaper. I just discovered it while searching through net. It's a combination of "lampin" and a real diaper. The cloth inside is a microfiber cloth that is reusable and washable and on the outside is like the normal diaper. The good thing about this of course is it's not disposable. You can reuse it after washing and drying the cloth inside it. So, if we have even 10-15 of these, sulit na! Adjustable din siya so from newborn until it still fits, Eclair can use it! :)

BATH BED. This is not really the style that I want. But this thing might cost 300-700. You may include Bath Set for the baby if you want such as no tears shampoo, lotion, hooded towels, cotton balls and water heater XD






           



STERILIZER for bottles are important to avoid the baby from tummy aches and of course to keep the bottles clean. I don't know how much it costs but AVENT really has unbelievable prices so better not to buy from AVENT. Eclair won't use it forever naman eh.

                     

SLING STYLE BAG for mommy :) It looks like kaartehan for mommy but I don't want to wander around the mall or go for baby's check ups by just carrying her overexpose from anything. This one looks so comfortable for the both of us. I wonder how it cost but since I'm gonna use it just for the first months, if I have to buy it, I'm gonna have a budget of 500 Php only :) More than that, Jong will gonna carry her na lang. Haha!

I don't know how will I call this but this is just an additional. It's not a need. I just

stumble upon it on net and imagined me trying to hum a lullaby for Eclair while

she's trying to sleep. Naaaww. 

This one is what I will really need :) A BABY CARRIER that costs 1,700 in Enfant I think.

I hope my baby will not get annoyed while I'm carrying her like this. It looks compfortable

to wear naman eh and the baby's not getting tightly carried.

             

ROCKERS. \m/ yeah! Hahah. I know it's hard when the baby started to cry that I know she already want to sleep. So, if possible, I want her to get use to sleeping into her rockers. Hahah. Puro pampadali ng buhay ko eh noh? Pwede naman i-hele ko sya habang karga ko. Hahah. Maarte mommy niya. Saaareeh.

                

Changing Pads cost 500-1,000 and is very useful whenever changing diapers of course.

I'm gonna need it during times like I can't carry her and wash under the faucet. So that goes around

from 0-6 months? I really have a low stomach regarding about poops and everything.

I hope I can always be strong when it comes to my baby :) I don't wanna blow up while cleaning 

her :D

WALKING ASSISTANT. Found this in facebook, worth 700. It will sure help Eclair to walk as early as 7 months! Basta nakakatayo na, lakad naaa! Hahah.

And for more gifts, or if you don't have any idea what to give her, choose always clothes :)

It will be more appreciated than toys! I love searching for little angels' clothes. 

I want something pink or purple with headband ALWAYS! :D hahah. Para 

masanay ang baby ko na may nakalagay sa ulo niya palagi. Hahah. So she'll

never remove it when I put something on her head :)

Eeeehhhhh!!! It is really... A GIRL!!! I can't wait baby!