With the shortest time, everyone was gone. I’m isolated once more.

What’s the painful thing you could ever imagine in your life?

For me, maybe it’s when everyone left. When they have to set off to their home and leave behind the persons and house they had just visited. Parties start but last for only a few hours. A song’s instrumentals and lyrics execute but still end briefly after few minutes. Kisses make your heart palpitates like about seconds yet, it stops. Everything... Everything has to end. It was intended to end. From the very moment it existed - those days, those nights, those lives, those movies, those songs. Sadness. Even happiness, has to end.

What time of the day do you hate most?

For me, it’s the sunset. Yes. I don’t know. I can see how beautiful and scenic the sun is when it’s setting. That is one of the most magnificent creations in the world. But even the picturesque image of it won’t change my mind that it was still the most depressing part of the day. L It’s so melancholy, so gloomy. I don’t want seeing sunset actually. More than ever when I’m alone.

This is the day I’ve been always looking for. Whatever burden hems in me, it simply fades the moment I’m with them. It felt so good that I think, I can surpass every problem I have.

I love 5 particular things when I’m here (Lipa, Batangas):

1. to see and hug naynay.
2. to watch my mother and aunties laugh while exchanging scoops, rumors and even gossips about different things :p
3. to play and make kulitan with my dear cousins. I’m the eldest grandchild by the way. Err.
4. food trip, laugh trip, kwentuhan, -- bonding with bes.
5. lastly, to feel the unusual ambiance of home which I can only experience here (strongest).

But what’s the saddest part? We’re only around for this day. A day that happens only once a month or if we’re lucky, twice. I just can’t distinguish of the feeling if this is overwhelmed of having my family around me (a while ago), or sadness because they went off already and I was alone again. Yes, I am alone in my cousin’s room and waiting for the ‘idea of sleep’ to get into me.

I decided to stay here until Tuesday, naynay’s birthday, because I know that will make her happy.

The point of making my grandmother happy really brings life to me. I can’t imagine she will leave us on the right moment. I really beg for Him if, she can live until I can accept the fact that she must die, you know. Death was never been dilemma for me. NEVER. I’m not afraid of dying but the idea of HER dying is all I’m scared of. So scared that I can’t even think of it straightly just like now. And the only thing I can promise to myself before that day arrives is to make her feel all the love in the world that I can give. I promise that.    

12-21-08